Officer Bob

Somewhere out inna UK, the local police busted into the wrong house. Look, mistakes happen in our line of work. Sometimes those mistakes don’t leave you with a cracked head, a bullet in the back or a falsified criminal record. In this case, you’d think the guy wouldn’t complain, but there’s just no pleasing some people - even when you’re nice enough to leave a note onna fridge.

JERUSALEM - Over in Israel, they know what to do with the local malcontents.  And they don’t let a little thing like being handicapped get in the way of justice, either. Hell, one time, they shot a missile from a helicopter at a guy in a wheelchair - now that’s what I call gettin’ the job done.

This week, those uppity handicapped are at it again, and it took Israeli cops to bravely face ‘em down

Alleging police brutality by officers on the scene, and lamenting a lack of much-needed aid from the state, a dozen wheelchair-bound citizens continued their protest in the sweltering heat outside the Welfare Ministry in Jerusalem on Sunday, telling reporters they will not leave until their demand for help is answered.

But the most troubling complaints from protesters were that police officers had abused them physically, throwing them out of their wheelchairs and preventing them from using the bathroom.

A man with fresh gashes on his head told The Jerusalem Post he was hurt when he fell out of his wheelchair as police tried to force him from the entrance to the Welfare Ministry on Saturday night.

“We were originally near the entrance,” another man said, “and after Shabbat, a decision was made by the police to clear us out. About 40 of them came up, not in the blue uniforms, but in the black ones [of the Yasam elite anti-terror unit], as if we were Hamas, and they just started lifting us up and tossed us out into the street. People were hurt. We asked them to stop, but they kept going. It’s forbidden to touch someone in a wheelchair at all - who knows what kind of problems they may be suffering from.”

South of de border down Mexico way, the cops have had their hands full lately. Coupla weeks ago, a bunch a people got trampled when the police tried to clear out a overcrowded disco fulla teenagers. I don’t know why the Mexican kids are so skittish, isn’t everybody used to a buncha riot cops showing up in an enclosed space and and shoving people around to the front door?

Well, trouble takes no siesta for the federales, it seems. This week, it’s news of what dere calling “training” videotapes showin’ up with Mexican cops torturing suspects. When are these people going to learn about the dangers… of videotape? Never, I guess.

Two of the videos — broadcast by national television networks and displayed on newspaper Internet sites — showed what Leon city Police Chief Carlos Tornero described as training for an elite unit that must face “real-life, high-stress situations,” such as kidnapping and torture by organized crime groups.

But many Mexicans saw a sinister side, especially at a moment when police and soldiers across the country are struggling with scandals over alleged abuses.

“They are teaching police … to torture!” read the headline in the Mexico City newspaper Reforma. Watch parts of the video »

Human rights investigators in Guanajuato state, where Leon is located, are looking into the tapes, and the National Human Rights Commission also expressed concern.

“It’s very worrisome that there may be training courses that teach people to torture,” said Raul Plascencia, one of the commission’s top inspectors.

SAN DIEGO, CA: Cops involved in human trafficking, drug smuggling, and protection - that’s what the San Diego newspapers are reporting is going on in Baja California.

Just another example of underpaid public servants merely trying to make ends meet. I guess this time the complainer isn’t some citizen busybody - it’s a high-ranking Mexican Army official.

What was the last war Mexico was in, anyway? Talk about having time on your hands…

You hear a lot of people saying that countries outside the USA are backward places, and that the people who live there have nothing to teach Americans about anything.

Absolutely not true! Turns out the police department in New Delhi were shaking down bus drivers and almost a hundred officers were in on it.

Once, we taught the world how to confiscate money from citizens, but we did it one traffic stop at a time. Out in India, they’re pocketing a 100x more in the same time period. Dat kind of efficiency is why they’re gonna own us in a few years, I ‘m tellin ya.

In central Russia, one way to keep warm is to enrage the local highway police, who will more than happily provide a savage beating when challenged about repeated bribe-taking and roadside shakedowns.

Well, okay, police protests in Russia won’t really keep you warm, but the payback from the local officers will keep your mind off the cold.

There’s a lot to learn from these other countries. I don’t mean by travelin’ there, I mean by watching video onna internet of course.

In Greece, they got a different way of handing out love taps to guys they arrest. Instead of the cop doing the beating, they make the suspects beat the crap-opolis outta each other! I hope alla you guys and gals onna job out there are takin’ notes.