Officer Bob

Here we go again with the racial disparities argument. In today’s New York Times, there’s more of the same old complaining about how black people get arrested for drugs a lot more than white people.

Blah blah blah, statistic, statistic, statistic. Look. We cops can’t help it if white people prefer the powdered cocaine and it’s always blowing out the car window with the wind. What are we supposed to do? Plant evidence?

You hear a lot of people saying that countries outside the USA are backward places, and that the people who live there have nothing to teach Americans about anything.

Absolutely not true! Turns out the police department in New Delhi were shaking down bus drivers and almost a hundred officers were in on it.

Once, we taught the world how to confiscate money from citizens, but we did it one traffic stop at a time. Out in India, they’re pocketing a 100x more in the same time period. Dat kind of efficiency is why they’re gonna own us in a few years, I ‘m tellin ya.

Boy, what about alla rampant disinformation on de internet? Here’s a clip featuring police detainee processing procedures. You know the drill. A lot of shoving and a big hero cop staying on top of a dangerous suspect.

But it says on the page over at YouTube “Chicago Police Beat Woman”

Excuse me, do you hear the accents on the people in the clip? This isn’t in Chicago, that’s somewhere down south, people. C’mon already. You gotta learn the difference between Dixie and Dick Daley.

DAYTON, OH: Officer Michael MacDonald, perhaps exhibiting a Scotsman’s concern for thrift, thinks he was short-changed at the Wendy’s drive-thru window.

Now if you’re like old Officer Bob, you know that police never ever make any mistakes and that the people who work for minimum wage are thieving scumbags out to pick the patrolman’s pocket. That’s why we get out of our squad car to spray tear gas in the faces of people who we think short-changed us. You got a problem widdat?

Milwaukee, WI: A buncha Asian immigrants got a bone to pick with the local boys in blue up in the Dairy State. Looks like business as usual and it’s their word against the PD’s. Well, you know how somea dese immigrants are. See, where they come from, they’re always raisin’ a stink about one thing or anudder. You can’t take these people seriously when they got nothin better to do than get together to protest all the time.

Remember the lesson of the Sean Bell shooting in New York City back in ‘06: if you’re out on the town and you’re acting like an (unarmed) asshole, you just might get shot fifty times by the cops. And then, as a lesson about how things go out there, your surviving relatives get to watch the cops walk away from the incident with no punishment.

Okay, I’m kind of exaggerating. To get shot a few dozen times by the cops, you don’t have to be acting like an asshole at all. In 1999, Amadu Diallo learned that when New York’s finest lit him up 41 times for the crime of taking his wallet out of his pocket.

In the 300 year history of New York City, there have been only three cops convicted of homicide in the line of duty. What do you call that? I call that job satisfaction.

A guy named Brad Hare was shooting some pool in a bar in Henderson, NV, outside of Las Vegas when the talk got a little spirited. At some point, Hare says the guy he was arguing with told him he was pals with the local PD. From the whole story:

At 1:30 a.m., three on-duty officers entered the bar and, without asking Hare or the bartender about the dispute, “violently lifted Mr. Hare off (the) ground and slammed Mr. Hare on the center of the pool table,” according to the lawsuit.

The officers are accused of dragging Hare out of the bar in a “pain-compliance arm-bar hold,” throwing him on the hood of a sport utility vehicle, searching him and asking for his identification. One officer accused Hare of attempting to spit on him.

Turns out this Hare guy is a federal agent and he’s filed a lawsuit. Whoops! Well, that’s what happens when you don’t tell your brother cops that you’re an officer yourself. You might get treated like an average civilian!

A few years ago, a Chicago guy named Nevles Taylor made the mistake of getting in the way of Chicago cops. First, he struck the front of their moving squad car with the back of his bicycle – and if that wasn’t enough, he then repeatedly attacked the officers’ fists and clubs with his face and upper body.

After the encounter, the officers wrote up Taylor on charges that were going to send him to the state pen.

Somehow, a few busybodies at the University of Chicago “Law” “School” jumped in and instead of letting CPD put this dangeous guy behind bars where he belongs, they actually got him off the charges AND won a $30,000 settlement for him.

Sad, sad, sad.

Swampscott, MA: Thomas Wrenn of the Swampscott Police Department was arrested by DEA agents and his own department during a buy of 50 Oxycontin pills. Dese are dat “hillbilly heroin” that Rush Limbaugh prefers.

An affidavit alleges that Wrenn purchased Percocet pills, a form of oxycodone, over a period of months. During that period, he allegedly routinely consumed the drug and cocaine.

The affidavit also alleges that Wrenn distributed a quantity of Percocet pills to a former Nahant officer and a young woman with a romantic liaison.

DEA agents and the Swampscott Police Dept. arrested Wrenn after he purchased 50 pills from his regular supplier.

Swampscott Police have not commented on the arrest.

Okay, so he had a commercial quantity. But I thought dat’s what this country was built on- commerce. What about the good old free enterprise system? The double-standard here is sickening: it’s ok for a guy on the radio that millions listen to every day – he doesn’t lose his job- but an officer of the law gets handcuffs. I tell ya, this country’s getting more upside-down by the week.

In central Russia, one way to keep warm is to enrage the local highway police, who will more than happily provide a savage beating when challenged about repeated bribe-taking and roadside shakedowns.

Well, okay, police protests in Russia won’t really keep you warm, but the payback from the local officers will keep your mind off the cold.