Officer Bob

Remember the lesson of the Sean Bell shooting in New York City back in ‘06: if you’re out on the town and you’re acting like an (unarmed) asshole, you just might get shot fifty times by the cops. And then, as a lesson about how things go out there, your surviving relatives get to watch the cops walk away from the incident with no punishment.

Okay, I’m kind of exaggerating. To get shot a few dozen times by the cops, you don’t have to be acting like an asshole at all. In 1999, Amadu Diallo learned that when New York’s finest lit him up 41 times for the crime of taking his wallet out of his pocket.

In the 300 year history of New York City, there have been only three cops convicted of homicide in the line of duty. What do you call that? I call that job satisfaction.